Spooning with John Candy and Steve Martin

Whenever you start out in a new relationship, you will at some point (hopefully) reach the point where the age old question of "big spoon or little spoon?" will arise. Most men at this game-changing moment will give the answer that all women want to hear; big spoon. And dear lord do I love snuggles in bed.

But ladies, it's time you knew the truth; men hate spooning. Indeed we don't care whether we're the big spoon or the little spoon. We want to be that weird thing in the corner of the cutlery drawer that looks like a cross between a corkscrew and a cheese-grater that nobody ever touches.

Snuggling was created for watching movies, whether on the sofa or in bed, and indeed it's an entirely pleasant experience. In that case, yes, we'll happily take on the role of the larger piece of silverware. In that ten minutes that it takes you to fall asleep, we'll generally put up with the awkward "where should I put my arm"-ness that comes with being the big spoon, but after that, we'll roll over and take our solitary place at the edge of the drawer.

It's not that we don't want closeness. No, we love closeness, and when we're feeling blue, or have had a stressful day, there is nothing better than a jolly good cuddle before bed. 

Before being the optimum word. Relaxing time together is great, but it's simply a case of the need for a little alone time when we're dozing off. Getting comfortable in a bubble of your own duvet space as you drift away is the best few moments of the day. Having a face full of hair and a dead arm generally do not constitute as entirely comfy.

Seriously though; where does the arm go? Underneath your partner leads to circulation being cut off in a strangely painful and at the same time painless experience. Bent back on itself means you spend ages pretending to be comfortable before eventually giving up and sliding it under your partner, and resting your own head on it is just not convenient. All in all, the only person that this whole malarkey is pleasant for is you; the little spoon! Sure, it's lovely and comforting for you to fall asleep to, but for us it's simply an awkward waiting game that we endure because we care.

So don't have a go when we curl up in the corner of the bed before you fall asleep; for all the times we've held you 'till you've fallen asleep, there is a once in a blue moon when we're too tired to wait you out. Sometimes we just need to be comfortable too.