Destroying the Music Industry with Avril Lavigne

I've always had a soft spot for Avril Lavigne. From her first single Complicated, I was ever so slightly smitten by her angsty cute Canadian punkyness.

Over the years, that love has sat somewhere in the back of my being like a nostalgic reminder of the rebellious teenager hood that I never had but secretly always longed for. Her debut album, Let Go, remains to this day in my top ten list of albums that have influenced my upbringing, and her third single from said album, I'm With You is one of my all-time favourite ballads.

I have fond memories of drunken 2am dancings to the highly infectious Girlfriend during university, and of wondering whether or not to reprimand one of my tweenage students in Japan when they told me that What The Hell was their favourite song.

So, with everyone's favourite Sk8er girl having such a beloved place in my heart, I was horrified earlier today to hear her latest song, Hello Kitty...

"Oh," I thought, sipping a refreshing cup of tea as I did my daily YouTube tour "Avril has a new song! And it's inspired by that delightful Sanrio character that I certainly didn't get enough of in Japan! This should be a catchy little ditty!" 

Over the course of the next three minutes and nineteen seconds, my tea turned sour, my heart turned to stone and mountains crumbled to the sea as the fires of damnation began to lick the shores of the country.

In her latest single, Miss Lavigne has managed to do what I fondly call "The Harajuku Hollaback".

Remember when Gwen Stefani was in No Doubt and everybody loved her for being a cool punkyness chick in an awesome ska band? And then she went solo and everyone thought "ooh, this'll be good!"? And then it wasn't? And then it went from being utterly awful to a semi-racist cacophony of non-sensical lyrics and terrible outfits? Well yes, that actually happened.

But did the world learn? If Hello Kitty is anything to go by, then no. No it didn't. Terrible lyrics, a debatably condescendingly racist video, a godawful Skrillex haircut and Avril looking well past her prime all add up to the biggest crime against music since Rebecca Black realised what day of the week it was (happy Friday by the way everyone!). My faith is lost, and in shall be pushing Miss Lavigne from the pedestal upon which once I which kept her.

I'm sorry Avril, I'm no longer with you.