Time For a Top Ten with Tim Curry

Tim Curry is truly a living legend. One of Britain's finest character actors, his career has spanned over thirty years, and brought us some of cinema's finest villains, and animation's greatest voice performances. He has also recorded some absolutely sensational albums (his rendition of Baby Love by The Supremes is an experience one never forgets) and haunted the dreams of anyone with any inkling of a fear of clowns.

This week, through happy coincidence (thank you Film4), I have had the pleasure of sitting through a number of Curry's finest films, and found myself realising that this is a man who has never given a bad performance. Sure, he's been in some bloody awful movies (Garfield A Tale of Two Kitties... Scary Movie 2... Barbie in the Nutcracker...), but hey, he still made the best of the dire scripts.

So to celebrate the awesomeness that is Timothy James Curry, and to thank him for keeping up my spirits over the last week, I decided this evening to put together a run down of my favourite Curry portrayals. originally, it was going to be a top five, but I simply could not narrow it down. So here's ten...

10. Cardinal Richelieu (The Three Musketeers, 1993)

There are two things that always come to mind when you think of this rather lacklustre Disney swashbuckler. The first is the awesome theme song from the musketeers of rock Sting, Stewart and Adams, and the second is Curry's delicious performance as the scheming cardinal. Peter Capaldi comes close in his weaslyness, but Curry will always be the definitive Richelieu.

9. Taurus Bulba (Darkwing Duck, 1991-1995)

Darkwing was by far my favourite Disney Club cartoon; sure Rescue Rangers was great, and Ducktales is more iconic, but as a kid (and even now to be quite honest), the mishaps of St. Canard's blundering superhero were utterly enthralling. The thing that made Darkwing so memorable though was its villains, and none were so sinister as crime lord Taurus Bulba, brought to glorious life by the inimitable Curry.

8. Herkermer Homolka (Congo, 1995)

Don't get me wrong, Congo is an absolutely atrocious film, which is a real shame seeing as Michael Crichton's book, upon which it is based, is one of his finest. It's one redeeming feature however, is. Curry's comedic turn as the overly camp Romanian philanthropist with one of the daftest names to ever hit the silver screen. The fact that the character isn't even in the book makes it a true Curry original!

7. Darkness (Legend, 1985)

Tom Cruise fannying about chasing after unicorns in one of the worst scripted fantasy films of all time... Let's face it, if it weren't for Curry's portrayal of the demon Darkness (obviously not supposed to be the devil!), Legend would have quite rightfully disappeared into the gallery of embarrassing eighties movies only referenced in those "way back when" specials. Unfortunately, Curry was, as always, so damn good in this film that we are cursed forever to sit through endless reruns... You win Darkness. You most definitely win...

6. Mr. Jigsaw (Loaded Weapon 1, 1993)

Loaded Weapon is one of the best, if oft forgotten, spoofs to come out of National Lampoon's calvacade. Emilio Estevez and Samuel L. Jackson solve a spate of hilarious murders all pupeteered by Curry's evil Mr. Jigsaw. Who turns up at one point in the film as a wilderness girl. If you haven't seen it, find it, love it, and thank me later.

5. Long John Silver (Muppet Treasure Island, 1996)

There are few actors who can take a role in a Muppets film (and one of the best Muppet films at that) and actually outshine the Muppets. Tim Curry as Long John is simply wonderful, both touching and treacherous at the same time, and his "only number", Professional Pirate is one of his finest musical numbers to date.

4. Dr. Frank N. Furter (The Rocky Horror Picture Show, 1975)

The role that brought Curry to the world's attention is everybody's favorite sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania. The plot is nonsense, and the second half is famously one of the weakest in MT, but how can you argue with one of cinema's greatest cult movies? And Curry never fails to leave us trembling with antici.....

3. Nigel Thornberry (The Wild Thornberrys, 1998-2004)

The Wild Thornberrys was one of Nickelodeon's most delightful shows, with a concept we can all relate to. After all, who at some point in their life hasn't dreamed of being able to converse with animal? And to have Tim Curry as their father?? Nigel is one of the most iconic cartoon characters of the nineties, and earns his place at number three on the list.

2. Wadsworth (Clue, 1985)

An all star cast in a movie based on a board game? Clue really should not have worked, and indeed still has some stigma surrounding it amongst those who have never dared watch it. The farce is hilarious, owing in abundance to Curry's mesmerising turn as master of ceremonies Wadsworth the butler, who at the same time acts as narrator, hero, comic relief, and, ultimately (depending on which ending you draw) villain.

1. Pennywise the Dancing Clown (IT, 1990)

Having haunted the dreams of anyone who has had the pleasure of watching one of cinema's greatest Stephen King adaptations, and even filling those with no previous fear of clowns with a severe case of coulrophobia, there is no way that Pennywise could come anywhere but top of the list. The embodiment of evil, Curry is almost unrecognisable as he throws himself entirely into the role, every movement, every utterance as terryfying as the last. And gosh darn did he teach us not to accept balloons from clowns in storm drains. After all, we all float down here...

Thank you Mr. Curry for making us laugh, making us sing, and terrifying us to our very souls.

Oh...

....pation!

A Walk in the Park with Squirrel Girl

I love nature. People often ask me what I miss the most about Japan, and my answer is always the same; the wildlife. My summer days in the south of Japan were shared with a cornucopia of furry friends and creepy crawlies, including Stuart, my house gecko, and Gerrald, the dinner plate-sized spider that lived above my front door. My morning coffees were spent with the terrapins and snakes out on the balcony, and at times I genuinely felt like I was living in a Gerald Durrell book.

So returning to the UK to our less-than-inspiring native fauna has been something of a disappointment. Up in Durham, it's rare to see anything more exotic than a pigeon, let alone a cheerful turtle.

As such, it has been with a childlike glee that I have spent the last few days wandering through the parks of Bournemouth, only to be confronted by hundreds (not exaggerating here) of bushy-tailed grey squirrels. I know many will argue that they are vermin, or that the are an invasive Yankie species, driving out our native reds like McDonalds has destroyed Wimpy, but personally I love them. Their neurotic antics and curious nature utterly endearing.

So, in true Inner Monoblog fashion, to celebrate my rekindled adoration for our bushy friends, I've put together a short list of my favourite squirrels. Enjoy!

5. Squirrel Nutkin

The protagonist of Beatrix Potter's eponymous Tale, Squirrel Nutkin is one of Potter's darkest stories. A complete ass, who enjoys nothing more than annoying people, Nutkin goes too far in his taunting of Old Brown the owl, and almost gets himself skinned by the foul-tempered tawny. Fortunately, Nutkin escapes, merely losing his tail in the process, but learns that being an annoying douche has painful consequences.

4. Squeakers

Another annoying little bugger, this fellow makes the list for having some of The Emporer's New Groove's most hilariously memorable scenes. Whether it's threatening to wake a group of sleeping wolves by popping a balloon llama (where the heck does he get a balloon from in C15 Peru??) or conversing in squirrel talk with Patrick Warburton, he's one of the real stars of this highly underrated Disney flick.

3. The Squirrel Nut Zippers

One of my all time favourite bands, The Squirrel Nut Zippers are a delightfully eclectic mix of Ska, Jazz and Big Band. You've probably never heard of them, but their song Hell has been used on dozens of movie soundtracks, so you'll know at least one of their tunes.

4. Slappy the Squirrel

Animaniacs was a freakin' amazing show. Witty, well animated, and surprisingly educational (Wacko's States and their Capitals song has stuck with me for almost twenty years now), Animaniacs boasted some of the most well thought-out characters ever seen in a kids show. Pinky and the Brain, Chicken Boo, and of course, the crotchety old rodent, Slappy the Squirrel. Living in an old tree with her peppy nephew Scrappy, Slappy will always stay in my nostalgia banks as the woman who taught me the old joke about the Who being on stage... "Who's on stage?" "That's right!" "No, Who's on stage??" "Who!" "That's what I said!" Etc, etc...

5. Doreen Green 

One of Marvel's lesser-known heroes, Doreen Green, better known as Squirrel Girl is actually one of Earth 616's mightiest heroes, having taken down Doctor Doom, Wolverine and even Thanos single handedly. She has served the Avengers, the Great Lakes Avengers and currently works for Heroes for Hire (albeit as Jessica Jones and Luke Cage's nanny) and has a delightful sidekick called Monkey Joe. Admittedly, my secret love of furries may have helped her top this list, but hey, we all have our kinks.