The Books That Changed My Life with Winnie the Pooh

So, having been challenged to the recently viral "Ten Books. That Changed My Life", I figured it was about time I got the ol' blog up and running again. Choosing a mere ten books, however, proved delightfully thought-provoking. And so, in no particular order, save for chronology, here in the final list (as of September 2014)

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (Lewis Carroll, 1865)

Despite its endless adaptations (including Tim Burton's hideous butchering), Carroll's original work remains to this day one of the finest pieces of fantasy writing of all time. The delightful innocence of Alice as she meets a cavalcade of bizarre characters in her journey through Wonderland is as enchanting today as it was one hundred and sixty years ago.

When We Were Very Young (A.A. Milne, 1924)

Although more famous for his tales of Pooh Bear and Christopher Robin, Milne also produced some beautiful poetry, much of which contained within this collection, and its sequel Now We Are Six, remain with me almost thirty years since first being read to me at bedtime.

The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger, 1951)

I'm glad I read Catcher at sixteen, the same age as its protagonist Holden Caulfield, as reading it ten years on, Caulfield turned from the relatable troubled teen into a petulant miscreant, rather diminishing the overall effect of the book that said, the fondness I had as a teen means that Catcher will always hold a special place on this list.

My Family and Other Animals (Gerald Durrell, 1956)

I have always had a passion for wildlife, so when I was introduced at an early age to the exploits of your Gerry as he set about collecting the weird and wonderful fauna of Corfu, I was entranced. Having since read the majority of Durrell's oeuvre, Durrell remains in my eyes one of Britain's most underrated wordsmiths.

To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee, 1960)

Usually the books that we are forced to read at school are the ones we end up hating for the rest of our lives (case in point, Mr. Mark Twain...). By joyful happenstance, however, I was as entranced at thirteen by Harper Lee's tale of injustice and misunderstanding as I am today. An history lesson through the eyes of a young child, Mockingbird is immediately accessible to all ages.

The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13 3/4 (Sue Townsend, 1982)

Sadly, Sue Townsend passed away earlier this year, leaving us with the legacy of Britain's greatest diarist. Adrian's life has been a source of comfort throughout the years, from his awkward teens, through the turbulent twenties, right up to his final farewell at the end of The Prostrate Years. Mole is an unwitting comic genius, but also, perhaps even moreso unwittingly, a hero for gawky, hopeless writers across the nation.

IT (Stephen King, 1986)

Trying to choose only one King novel to feature on this list was tough, but when it comes to sheer terror, coupled with King's unrivalled ability to create memorable characters (that are more often than not killed in even more memorable fashions mere moments later), then IT trumps most. The tale of a demon, disguised as a circus clown, who terrorises the children of the small Maine town of Derry every thirty years is iconic for most due to Tim Curry's delectable performance as the book's namesake, but the novel itself is some chilling that even glancing at it upon the bookshelf if enough to send shivers up the spine.

High Fidelity (Nick Hornby, 1995)

High Fidelity is like the bible to the music-loving single man. A story of love, loss and love again set in a failing record store to an almost audible soundtrack of hits from the the four decades, it is a real modern classic. It does, however, leave you with an obsession for making Top Five lists which I have been unable to shake to this day.

Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly (Anthony Bourdain, 2000)

If High Fidelity was was bible for singledom, then Kitchen Confidential played the same role during my many years as a chef. Admittedly, I hated being a chef, but Bourdain somehow made it seem a little less painful. His relish in telling stories that are all-too-familiar to anyone who has worked back-of-house at a restaurant used to get me through many a late afternoon lunch-break.

Battle Royale (Koushun Takami, 2003)

Before the Hunger Games made teen survival all angsty and romantic, Battle Royale rocked the world with its distopian tale of government gone mad, pitting schoolmate against schoolmate in a last-man-standing battle. The book is amazing, the film is fantastic, and the manga is phenomenal. Put all three together and good lord! Prepare to be haunted for life! 

But, for better or worse, that is what every tome on this list has managed to do. Because nothing stays with you more than a great story.

A Walk in the Park with Squirrel Girl

I love nature. People often ask me what I miss the most about Japan, and my answer is always the same; the wildlife. My summer days in the south of Japan were shared with a cornucopia of furry friends and creepy crawlies, including Stuart, my house gecko, and Gerrald, the dinner plate-sized spider that lived above my front door. My morning coffees were spent with the terrapins and snakes out on the balcony, and at times I genuinely felt like I was living in a Gerald Durrell book.

So returning to the UK to our less-than-inspiring native fauna has been something of a disappointment. Up in Durham, it's rare to see anything more exotic than a pigeon, let alone a cheerful turtle.

As such, it has been with a childlike glee that I have spent the last few days wandering through the parks of Bournemouth, only to be confronted by hundreds (not exaggerating here) of bushy-tailed grey squirrels. I know many will argue that they are vermin, or that the are an invasive Yankie species, driving out our native reds like McDonalds has destroyed Wimpy, but personally I love them. Their neurotic antics and curious nature utterly endearing.

So, in true Inner Monoblog fashion, to celebrate my rekindled adoration for our bushy friends, I've put together a short list of my favourite squirrels. Enjoy!

5. Squirrel Nutkin

The protagonist of Beatrix Potter's eponymous Tale, Squirrel Nutkin is one of Potter's darkest stories. A complete ass, who enjoys nothing more than annoying people, Nutkin goes too far in his taunting of Old Brown the owl, and almost gets himself skinned by the foul-tempered tawny. Fortunately, Nutkin escapes, merely losing his tail in the process, but learns that being an annoying douche has painful consequences.

4. Squeakers

Another annoying little bugger, this fellow makes the list for having some of The Emporer's New Groove's most hilariously memorable scenes. Whether it's threatening to wake a group of sleeping wolves by popping a balloon llama (where the heck does he get a balloon from in C15 Peru??) or conversing in squirrel talk with Patrick Warburton, he's one of the real stars of this highly underrated Disney flick.

3. The Squirrel Nut Zippers

One of my all time favourite bands, The Squirrel Nut Zippers are a delightfully eclectic mix of Ska, Jazz and Big Band. You've probably never heard of them, but their song Hell has been used on dozens of movie soundtracks, so you'll know at least one of their tunes.

4. Slappy the Squirrel

Animaniacs was a freakin' amazing show. Witty, well animated, and surprisingly educational (Wacko's States and their Capitals song has stuck with me for almost twenty years now), Animaniacs boasted some of the most well thought-out characters ever seen in a kids show. Pinky and the Brain, Chicken Boo, and of course, the crotchety old rodent, Slappy the Squirrel. Living in an old tree with her peppy nephew Scrappy, Slappy will always stay in my nostalgia banks as the woman who taught me the old joke about the Who being on stage... "Who's on stage?" "That's right!" "No, Who's on stage??" "Who!" "That's what I said!" Etc, etc...

5. Doreen Green 

One of Marvel's lesser-known heroes, Doreen Green, better known as Squirrel Girl is actually one of Earth 616's mightiest heroes, having taken down Doctor Doom, Wolverine and even Thanos single handedly. She has served the Avengers, the Great Lakes Avengers and currently works for Heroes for Hire (albeit as Jessica Jones and Luke Cage's nanny) and has a delightful sidekick called Monkey Joe. Admittedly, my secret love of furries may have helped her top this list, but hey, we all have our kinks.

Up the Gumtree With My Turnip (and Christina Ricci)

One of those embarrassing secrets that anyone who's known me for any length of time will know is that I'm pretty much terrified of riding a bicycle. 

It probably doesn't help that I was never actually taught to ride as a child. Having been cursed with dyspraxia from an early age, my father soon gave up on returning me to the saddle after a very lengthy afternoon. As such, it wasn't until I was about eleven that I forced myself to learn. Many scraped knees later, I was somewhat more confident. It wasn't until my twenty first birthday, however, that my nightmarish fear surfaced.

Most people remember their 21st for the right reasons; doning their lashmina, hitting the lash point and getting so smashed that they can't even remember the moment when they actually received the key to the door. For the most part, I do remember my 21st positively, but it is clouded over by one of the most horrifying and scarring (literally) moments of my life. A group of us got together and went to Center Parcs (a woodland retreaty kind of a place) and had a wonderful weekend wavering between drunken barbecues, spa days and late night games of hide-and-seek in the forrest. Unfortunately, after a delightfully relaxing day at the spa, on the cycle back to the villa, I took a rather nasty (to put it lightly) tumble. Some makeshift sanitary towel bandages, a helluva lot of jelly beans and seven years later, I am still utterly terrified of getting back on a bike.

Manami, on the other hand, loves the damn things. So after six months of her bugging me to buy one, I decided to get some cash together and see what Gumtree had to offer.

Now, I've never used Gumtree before. It's like a localised eBay, but you actually go to the seller's house and make the transaction in person. Thus, as I made my way through the residential district of Bournemouth, armed only with a turnip (stew for dinner), I had a growing fear that I was going to find myself embroiled in some kind of Outback torture movie (anyone seen "The Loved Ones" by the way? Fantastic little Aussie indie horror film). Fortunately, as I found the address (well appointed semi- detached with a BMW parked on the drive) and was greeted by a charming gentleman, I realised with relief that my chances of spending the next week tied up in someone's basement were relatively slim.

After purchasing the bike for a very reasonable price (indeed, less than I had made busking that afternoon... Bournemouth folk are so very much more generous than their Northern counterparts!) I was stuck with a conundrum; push the bike back to the flat, or face my fears and ride the cursed thing. I decided to bite the bullet.

And so followed the most terrifying half an hour of my life...

I mounted the bike, and with trepidation by my side and Siri screaming directions in my ear, began to make my way through the woody cycle paths back to town. Twilight setting in, I began to peddle more furiously along the dark and uneven lanes, suddenly feeling like Ichabod Crane, the headless Horseman fast at my heels. Fearful that my turnip would suffer the same fate as the Horseman's pumpkin head. 

Thirty minutes later, breathless and quivering, I arrived back to the flat, alas not into the lustful arms of Christina Ricci, safe and for the most part sound. And so I learned three things today;

1. Gumtree is not full of serial killers,

2. Turnip is a cheap and tasty addition to stew, and

3. I'm still bloody terrified of bikes.

Oh, and Johnny Depp is one of the luckiest buggers alive.