A Giant Amongst Men with Jack Black

Being tall has its advantages. You stand out in a crowd, so rarely get lost in a nightclub. You can reach stuff on high shelves, and as such get that lovely sense of helpfulness when an old lady needs a poorly placed jar of jam in the supermarket. People look up to you (literally), and generally society seems to hold you in a slightly higher regard than those more vertically challenged.

Unfortunately, it also has some enormous downsides. 

Over the last few days, I have been experiencing some of the most crippling lumbar pains of my life. I find it hard to get up once sitting, and using the whiteboard at work has become utterly excruciating. Indeed, I feel rit now like the only thing that could relieve my pain would be for an army of Thai masseuseses to repeatedly stampede along the length of my spine.

Why such pain? I hear you ask... The answer is simple; I spend my entire gargantuan existence crouching down in order to hear people. Whether it's in the classroom or walking down the street, so as to engage in conversation with people more easily, I need to bend down slightly, else wise conversation gets lost in the lofty breeze that blusters around my snowy summit.

But this isn't the only problem with being so darn tall. I remember during my time in Japan, my commute on the metro would be hindered by having to crouch through un-ergonomic doorways, and even over here, I find myself banging my head on things that most people wouldn't even see above their heads.

As a fan of longcoats, I find my fashion choices limited by most garments falling far too short, giving somewhat of a Mr Bean air, and finding a jacket long enough in the arm is a rare thing indeed. Air travel is also a nightmare; if you've ever grumbled about leg-room on a flight, try fitting a gangly frame into economy class. It simply does not work, and you'll find toilet breaks a welcome reprieve on any long-haul flight.

That said, despite the lumbago and general annoyances that come with the altitude, being tall does allow you to occasionally feel superior. Someone makes a stupid point in an argument? Or is just being andouche in general? Just extend yourself to full height (probably cracking a few vertebra back into place in the process) and give yourself that rare moment of superiority that comes with being a giant amongst men... 

On a side note, whilst finding a picture for this post, I found myself remembering just how bloody awful Jack Black's Gulliver was... The scene with the transformer? 'Nuff said...