Famous Last Shifts with Mila Kunis

I've had a lot of different jobs in my lifetime. So many in fact that most people, when meeting me for the first time, find it hard to believe that one man could have been head chef, hotel manager, English teacher, house musician and advertising agent by the age of twenty seven. But I have. It probably helps that I haven't been out of a job (technically, though not necessarily psychologically) since the age of fourteen. Subsequently, however, I've had a lot of "last days". Many of these I remember with fondness, some I barely remember at all, and some I still look back upon with a sense of regret.

I guess that's always the way when moving on to pastures new. Save for being made redundant twice last year, leaving has been, for the most part, my choice. I've always strived for better, and having been stuck in the service industry for much of my career, can you really blame me?

So to mark my final day as Farnley Tower Hotel's breakfast chef/assistant general dogsbody (after a year and a half of searching, I've finally found a teaching position in Bournemouth of all places!), I thought I'd take a look back on some of my previous "last days".

Rock 'n' Amigos

My first job (paper rounds not included) was in a twee Mexican restaurant in Durham city. I started out waiting tables before the head chef took something of a shine to me and moved me into the kitchen. At sixteen it was quite cool to be able to tell people at school that I was a chef, though looking back I was really little more than a glorified kitchen porter. It was here, however, that I learned the basics of the trade that would both support and haunt me for the next decade. Unfortunately, my father (always an overbearing presence in my life) took a disliking to the fact that I was working unsociable shifts for three pounds an hour and essentially told me I wasn't to go back. Ho hum.

Dogs' Trust

Advertising? Dogs? What a great mix! No, not really. My advice to anyone who sees an ad for "at least 23k" commission only work is to steer well clear unless you enjoy traipsing the streets in all weather for about £100 a week. My "career" in marketing lasted less than a month before I politely informed them it wasn't for me.

Salt

Salt was a pretty fun place to work; I was at their Aberystwyth restaurant for two years during university before becoming sous chef in their Cardiff Bay site for a year and then subsequently returning to Aber whilst sofa hopping as the gods on high took their merry time processing my visa for Japan. The staff were great, and many of them have become my friends for life. The stories that the submarine-like kitchen could tell are endless (indeed, my fry cook at the time - the one who inspired me to go to Japan - did in fact write a "kids book" called The Happy Little Fry Cook). When I left Salt, I was thrown a huge Japanese themed do which involved me dressing up as a Hentai schoolgirl. Like most restaurants, I left with the bittersweet feeling of relief and fondness.

WinBe English School

I loved this job. I truly did. It's because of my time in Japan that I have spent the last eighteen months desperately trying to return to teaching. I left due to an acrid mix of wanting to return to the "normality" of the UK and longing to see friends and family again. And cheese. Dear god I missed cheese. Saying goodbye to the ninety or so kids that I had taught and watched grow over my years at the school was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but the blow was lessened by the amazing barbecue and booze-up thrown by the bar that I had spent my weekends singing in. Unfortunately my totes emosh leaving speech is somewhere on YouTube. Oh the humanity!

Mrs Mustard's

Mustard's was one of the toughest jobs I've ever had to endure. After returning from Japan, I found it nigh on impossible to find work and inevitably found myself back in the kitchen. Unlike previous culinary exploits, however, we had a very tense head chef (from the school of Marco Pierre White) and a kitchen haunted by poltergeists. Seriously. I nearly died one day when the ceiling collapsed where I had been standing a split second before. Our last day at Mustard's will always stand out as the day I turned up for work as usual to find the bailiffs emptying the place. Much drunkeness ensued, followed by a week trudging through three feet of snow before I found...

The Establishment

Of all the restaurants I've worked, the 'stab has been my favourite. As head chef, I developed my own menu, did a heck of a lot of baking, and, most importantly, got to work with the most amazing team I've ever had the privalage to be stuck with. Unfortunately, the restaurant just wasn't making enough money, and we were forced to close. Our final night was the George Gently wrap party, and myself and the team had an awesome evening throwing cocktails and shapes with the stars of the show before having one of those manly emotional moments as the doors finally closed. Save for WinBe, leaving The Establishment was my saddest last day to date. Which brings us finally to...

Farnley Tower Hotel

Farnley is like my safety net; ten minutes from my childhood home, I have worked here sporadically for the last decade, and was fortunate (if that's the right word) that a position arose the same week the Establishment shut down. Returning to somewhere you worked as a teenager, before the degree, the masters, the teaching... It rather gets you down. But you get through it, and as I said in my blog with Mr. Luhrman, it's worth it in the end.

As Justin Beiber said, never give up!

Am I seriously leaving on that? No. Here's a picture of Mila Kunis on a cliff instead. Enjoy.