I say this, not simply due to the fact that I am myself at this moment suffering from a case of the sniffles, but because for all my reasoning, I cannot for the life of me come up with any point in this repetitive, persistent ailment.
Let's for a moment have a look at a few other symptomatic diseases;
Tuberculosis: Coughing, fever, night sweats, DEATH
Yellow Fever: Swelling, seizures, obsession with hentai, DEATH
Lupus: Lethargy, nausea, inability to be diagnosed by House, DEATH
Rabies: Psychosis, foaming at the mouth, aversion to the film "Cujo", DEATH
As you can see, all of the cool diseases culminate in an untimely yet memorable death. "Ooh, did you hear about Quentin? Succumbed to the pox!" Chances of the common cold doing you in? About the same as Britain winning the Eurovision in the next hundred years. A cold will neither kill you, not make you stronger, it will simply render you an utterly useless waste of space for an unspecified number of days, sapped of all energy and willingness to do anything but wrap up in a duvet-cocoon and watch "Singin' in the Rain". If you're planning on getting a cold, you may as we'll go the whole hog and get yourself the flu. With the flu at least you run a small risk of mortality; the worst a cold can do is make you look like a complete girl in front of your colleagues when you phone in sick.
Of course, if I do drop down dead in the next few days, make sure Alanis Morrisette gets played at my funeral.
Anyway, the moral of this tale children, is to wrap up warm at this time of year, and should you notice one of your workmates sniffling to themselves as they wander around their daily business, muttering evilly about how they intend to infect the whole office, do your duty and dispose of them in any of the classic manners;
Stake to the heart, setting them on fire, or beheading.
Yes, cold carriers are essentially vampires. Just don't cut off their noses; imagine the mess!
No comments:
Post a Comment