Job Hunting with Baz Luhrmann

Looking for work is possibly the most soul destroying venture any human being can set upon. Being told by an infinite amount of complete strangers that despite your experiences, your qualifications and your talents, you still aren't capable of performing often the most menial of tasks can push a man about as close to the edge as one can get.

I've spent over a year now trying to escape the clutches of the service industry (a sector that for all its faults, has seen me through my education and, for the most part, the majority of my vices) and despite having been on the verge of giving up and becoming a hermit on many occasions, it looks like things are finally on the up-and-up. The old adage about waiting forever for a bus rings rather true.

During the course of this eternity I have picked up a few tips on surviving the hunt, so in the footsteps of Baz Luhrmann, I will dispense this advice now...

1. Wear Sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

2. Reed.com Is A Douche

Same goes for Indeed.com. These sites are filled with jobs. Thousands of them in fact. And you know what? You could very easily do just about every job on there. The problem is, the simplicity of uploading your CV and cover letter, pressing a button and then thinking "yeah, that's another one done" means that everyone is sitting back, doing exactly the same. As such, you can apply for thirty or so jobs in an hour, think "wow, that was easy", then do it again, and again, essentially spending a whole day applying for jobs. Great! Productive! A hundred jobs applied for! And will you hear from any of them? No. Because every bugger in Britain has just done exactly the same. Save yourself the hassle, decide what route you're heading down and visit the individual sites of companies in that sector. That way at least you know someone's going to read your application. And maybe you'll get a response for your trouble!

3. Don't Listen to Platitudes

They will only get you down! Yes, casual acquaintance/family member/barman, I'm fully aware that everyone else is in the same boat, and I know too that I just have to keep my chin up, and yes, I'm sure something will come along eventually (it actually will), but do you know how many times I've heard it? Too sodding many, that's how many! Unless you know a guy that knows a guy with some work going, keep your "helpfulness" to yourself. Or buy me a pint. Either or.

4. Network

Everything in this world boils down not to what you know, but who you know. You could have more letters after your name than there are characters in the Simpsons, speak two dozen languages and be more charming than early-nineties Hugh Grant, but if your helpful mate hasn't got a guy that knows a guy, you're fighting an uphill battle. So get out there and introduce yourself to people in your field. Even if they can't help you themselves, chances are they'll have some tips. And they'll probably know a guy.

5. Change Approach

If you're applying left, right and centre, and nothing is coming back, rethink your plan of attack. Maybe your CV needs tweaking, perhaps your cover letter isn't strong enough. Have someone take a look over them; there's nothing like a fresh pair of eyes to help get a new perspective on what has, to you, become nothing more than a memorised piece of script.

6. Stay Positive

It sounds obvious, but sometimes it's all we can do. If you let yourself get down, it becomes harder and harder to climb out of the barrel. If you feel yourself giving up, take the afternoon off. Go for a walk,  or a coffee with friends. Maybe watch a movie. Just something to take your mind off being broke and unemployed for a couple of hours. Then see point number five.

I wish you all luck. But you'll get there eventually. And everyone's in the same boat. 

Fucking platitudes...